....that's what I said. Forgive me if I ramble this post, I can feel it coming. I was good. I did basically everything right. I made a conscious effort to control the cravings that I knew would come. And I succeeded...............................right up to the point on Sunday where being "good", doing "everything right", and having "control" were apparently things that other people worried about. I went back to chubby guy who MUST have it if someone else is going to eat it. If you're going to do it, well go right ahead and count me in.
So on Saturday, sick daughter turned into sick wife. Now our 2 on 2 game with the girls has become a 3 on 1 fast break where I've got no chance to stop the inevitable layup. I did my best to keep up with them all trying to find ways to appease everyone. I did a pretty good job (if I do say so myself ;) I guess until I went golfing with some friends on Sunday morning. Bad Husband!! I know. Anyway all I ate that morning was a banana, and I didn't get home until about 1. I made myself a bowl of minestrone soup and a grilled cheese sandwich on whole grain bread. Decently good choice.........so far. Its at this point where the wife wants me to go get her a couple of cheese burgers from McDonald's (you know she's sick when she asks for fast food). I politely oblige her request, and like I said above if she's gonna have it.............so am I. She got her burgers, and I got my 2 Big n' Tasty's with cheese. WHY!!! Who makes that kind of decision in the midst of a healthy transformation. The whole time I'm taking bite after bite thinking "what the hell am I doing?" She made me feel better by saying that I could just use Sunday as my "cheat" day. That would have been fine if I'd planned it to be that way, but losing a battle with my own willpower just makes me feel sick. I've been here before, many times. Feeling good, losing weight, start to feel confident, and then BAM, sense is knocked back into me. It's usually followed closely by jumping off the wagon train that I've hitched myself to. Reading Jim's last post really hit home with me today. I don't want to undo the work that I've been putting in just to quench some random desire. I want to stay on this train, ride it out, and just see where it takes me.
Another thing I've been struggling with is finding the time to work out. It's not like I have zero time either. I'm not a morning person, and I'm not an evening person. What does that make me, some sort of afternoon person? Is there even such a thing? I get up early every other day to take care of the girls before work, but on the days that my wife does it, I sleep in. No matter what day it is, I'm usually beat when I get home from work. I don't think that I'd be out of line to say that much of this being tired is probably a direct result of not being in shape. Hmmmm, vicious cycle. It's time to adhere to my goals. This is the first week after I shared what my plans were, and I didn't work out yesterday, so I've got the rest of the week to get in 3-4 days of gym time.
I don't know if "re-dedication" is something that should be uttered by someone who's been at this for less than a month, but DAMN IT I'm tired of the ebb and flow of my willpower. On the flip side, maybe the ebb and flow is what this journey is all about. It certainly is part of life. My commitment to achieving my goals has not broken. I want this and I will do this, I just have to work out the inconsistencies. So I've had all my feelings this past few days, The Good and Happy, followed by the Bad and Sad.
I've rambled enough. Thanks for letting me write out what I'm trying to figure out in my head. I'm glad we had this talk.
7 comments:
You're right - it's totally part of the journey, so don't beat yourself up over it - learn from it and move on. I do suggest allowing yourself cheat meals, or a cheat day, so that you don't feel too deprived during the week, and it gives you something to look forward to.
We have ALL had lapses of willpower, made bad decisions. It's just the decision to stop making the bad ones that is most important. That, coupled with the awareness that it's a bad decision, which we didn't have before, is what make it a productive journey. I know it's only been a month, but you're doing great. Keep it up!
I can totally relate to the willpower thing. There is so much psychology involved in this "transformation" we are all a part of, it's ridiculous.
I once read somewhere that "30 days makes a habit". Use the calendar to your advantage. I plan to. December 1st is nearly upon us. Focus on that month and you'll be that much further ahead of those making half-drunk New Years Resolutions. Hell, we'll all be.
I just posted this to someone else today.
You'll start and stop this a hundred times before you're done.
Quitters quit.
Winners pick themselves up and keep going.
You're continuing on, so you know what that makes you.
Oh, and come chat with us :)
http://fatcoalition.makeforum.org/
keep pushing, a lot of folks are in similar spots right now. WE need to get past this lull and push things forward.
yeah the journey is never going to be a smooth one. Ive always looked at all these before-after stories where the overweight person goes from flab to fab in 12 weeks and while ive always aspired to have a story like that to tell, my journey has made me doubt the veracity of these success stories. sure, theoretically its possible to achieve a lot in 12 weeks but in the real world, dealing with old habits and behaviours take a heck of a lot more time than that. a year is more appropriate time frame. kudos to those who can battle old demons in a matter of months but for me at least, ive had to fight them many times before they eventually disappeared. but they must appear recurringly for you to be able to finally put them to rest. accept it as part of the process, as frustrating as it is. you only lose if you choose to give up and willingly choose to forget whatever you've learnt. as long as the commitment is there, you'll be fine. stick to it long enough and things start to change significantly. just stick to it even if you dont do as well as you want to. soon enough, things will start clicking for you again. hang on in there! we're all in this together.
So you had a few burgers from McDonalds...whats done is done. That is in the past. What matters the most is how you react to that slip up. What you do next. Just take it one day at a time, and try to strive better each day. There will be many times you slip up in this journey, we are only human. But each time you will get better at either controlling the situation, or accepting it as it is, a slip up, and gain composure and get right back on track.
Hang in there, you can do this!
P.S. I hope the family is feeling better soon!
Glad to hear that something I said helps. Don't freak out because you had a couple of burgers, just keep moving forward. Fixating on it will just reinforce the behavior. Put it behind you and do what you can moving forward. It's over, let it remain that way.
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