One Month

That's what it's been now.....one month since I've started. I'm actually quite proud of myself so far. There will always be room for improvement, but my journey so far has been the most conscious I've been about being healthy in a LONG time. The results that I expected have not arrived yet. I guess that's what I get for "expecting" things. Some of that is undoubtedly my fault, but I'm also somewhat miffed about my progress. Mentally......right now, at this moment :)........I'm happy with the changes that I know I've made. I KNOW that I've made better choices with food, with portion sizes, with what I drink, etc. I am also very aware that I need to make a more concerted effort to work out consistently if I want to achieve my ultimate goals. What I don't understand is how I can basically be at the same point today that I was exactly one month ago. Again, I wasn't perfect, but I didn't expect to be. I've been taking it one day at a time. But to have the scale read close to where I began still doesn't compute in my head. Especially when I think a week ago today I had my lowest weigh in which was down almost 10 lbs. The only thing that I can think of is that I broke my scale (no BS :) It must have been probably Sunday or Monday when I stepped on it and it made a big SNAP noise, which I'll admit was a little embarrassing. It also lowered about a quarter inch. I picked it up and a small insignificant looking silver piece fell out. The numbers were a little high, but I just figured that it was from eating bad on Sunday. Well they haven't changed since and I'm really starting to wonder. Half of me thinks that it must be the scale because I really have done well this week, but the other half just thinks that it's my mind rationalizing why I'm the same. Who knows. I guess it's all I got, but I think next time I'm at the gym (tonite) I'll use their scale to check.

On another note, I'm very excited about participating in one of "Tuck's Big Challenges" this coming month. Being an athlete for most of my life the thing I miss most is the competition. For 3 months out of the year (Feb, Mar, & Apr) that thirst is quenched because I get to coach Baseball at one of our local High Schools, but for the rest of the year it just lingers there. I look forward to the challenge in December, Biggest Loser style. I hope everyone is well, and I'll talk to you all soon!

Good, Bad, Happy, or Sad......

....that's what I said. Forgive me if I ramble this post, I can feel it coming. I was good. I did basically everything right. I made a conscious effort to control the cravings that I knew would come. And I succeeded...............................right up to the point on Sunday where being "good", doing "everything right", and having "control" were apparently things that other people worried about. I went back to chubby guy who MUST have it if someone else is going to eat it. If you're going to do it, well go right ahead and count me in.

So on Saturday, sick daughter turned into sick wife. Now our 2 on 2 game with the girls has become a 3 on 1 fast break where I've got no chance to stop the inevitable layup. I did my best to keep up with them all trying to find ways to appease everyone. I did a pretty good job (if I do say so myself ;) I guess until I went golfing with some friends on Sunday morning. Bad Husband!! I know. Anyway all I ate that morning was a banana, and I didn't get home until about 1. I made myself a bowl of minestrone soup and a grilled cheese sandwich on whole grain bread. Decently good choice.........so far. Its at this point where the wife wants me to go get her a couple of cheese burgers from McDonald's (you know she's sick when she asks for fast food). I politely oblige her request, and like I said above if she's gonna have it.............so am I. She got her burgers, and I got my 2 Big n' Tasty's with cheese. WHY!!! Who makes that kind of decision in the midst of a healthy transformation. The whole time I'm taking bite after bite thinking "what the hell am I doing?" She made me feel better by saying that I could just use Sunday as my "cheat" day. That would have been fine if I'd planned it to be that way, but losing a battle with my own willpower just makes me feel sick. I've been here before, many times. Feeling good, losing weight, start to feel confident, and then BAM, sense is knocked back into me. It's usually followed closely by jumping off the wagon train that I've hitched myself to. Reading Jim's last post really hit home with me today. I don't want to undo the work that I've been putting in just to quench some random desire. I want to stay on this train, ride it out, and just see where it takes me.

Another thing I've been struggling with is finding the time to work out. It's not like I have zero time either. I'm not a morning person, and I'm not an evening person. What does that make me, some sort of afternoon person? Is there even such a thing? I get up early every other day to take care of the girls before work, but on the days that my wife does it, I sleep in. No matter what day it is, I'm usually beat when I get home from work. I don't think that I'd be out of line to say that much of this being tired is probably a direct result of not being in shape. Hmmmm, vicious cycle. It's time to adhere to my goals. This is the first week after I shared what my plans were, and I didn't work out yesterday, so I've got the rest of the week to get in 3-4 days of gym time.

I don't know if "re-dedication" is something that should be uttered by someone who's been at this for less than a month, but DAMN IT I'm tired of the ebb and flow of my willpower. On the flip side, maybe the ebb and flow is what this journey is all about. It certainly is part of life. My commitment to achieving my goals has not broken. I want this and I will do this, I just have to work out the inconsistencies. So I've had all my feelings this past few days, The Good and Happy, followed by the Bad and Sad.

I've rambled enough. Thanks for letting me write out what I'm trying to figure out in my head. I'm glad we had this talk.

So far so good

Because ALL of my brothers-in-law (3 of them) are all Fire Fighters, and all happened to have to work yesterday, both my family and my wifes family decided to celebrate Thanksgiving today. Yesterday was a day off from work and just a day to finally get to hang out with my wife and the girls. Unfortunately we ended up taking care of our oldest who seems to have come down with the flu. She threw up all afternoon and evening. It's such a helpless feeling as a parent watching your child hurt and knowing that there isn't much you can do to ease their pain. Needless to say, we didn't sleep too much last night.

On a good note my eating was great. A small bowl of whole grain Cheerios for breakfast, some mixed nuts for a snack, a mushroom omelet for lunch, and baked Mahi Mahi with Caesar salad for dinner. This morning was my lowest weigh in to date, 269. I know that weight fluctuation can be a pain, but I hope I've said goodbye to the 270's for good. This morning we went to my parents for our first helping of the holiday foods. My daughter ended up heaving again so it was a quick trip, but I definitely ate in moderation. Only one plate with a lot of turkey, a little stuffing, and a little mashed potato's with gravy. One small piece of pie for dessert. Definitely not perfect, but MUCH better than previous years. I'm staying home with she who is sick so I won't be attending my in laws dinner. I guess it might be a blessing in disguise. I'll keep you posted.

Shes calling for me now so I'd better run. I hope everyone had a great day, and I look forward to hearing about all of your weekends!

Plans are for Fools....

....as Brian would say. I guess I've resigned myself to the fact that I must become a fool ;) Hello all. It's been 5 days since my last post, and I'm feeling guilty about it. I've actually been doing quite well in my quest. This morning was my lowest weigh in to date. My eating has been really good, but I haven't been making the time to workout enough. This has pushed me to finally set some guidelines for myself, FINALLY.

• I am going to workout AT LEAST 3-4 times per week. More time spent working out would be ideal, but this is my bare minimum.




• I am going to start counting calories to the best of my ability. Winging it in my head seems to be working fine, but I've heard that often times people underestimate the amount they are eating by up to 40%! That sounds crazy to me, but I want to be sure. I've used an online calculator to estimate my TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) at right around 3000 calories. I'd like to reduce my calorie intake to between 2200 and 2400 per day. This is by no means perfect, but I'll try it for a little while and then make adjustments accordingly.




• One other goal that I'm really contemplating is trying a half marathon with my wife in Seattle next summer. We will be in town to visit my great aunt during some sort of yearly festival there. My wife has always wanted to run in one (even after having a baby 3 months ago, she's well on her way back to being in great shape), and I'd love to surprise her by signing us both up for it. My biggest hurdle is that I DESPISE running. After being an athlete for my entire life and always being forced to "condition", I always told myself that when sports were over, I'd find some other way to do cardio. There are plenty of good alternatives to running. I'm a big guy, and running has never been a comfortable thing for me to do. Did any of you who now run have similar feelings about it before you started?

I also have come up with a few target time frame goals as far as my weight loss goes. Right now I'm at 270, roughly 8 lbs less than when I started (Oct. 29th).

• 265 by 12/01/2007. This is holiday picture day for my family, so I'd like to drop a few extra lb's. I think that if I'm conscious of my intake during the holiday, and diligent in my workouts, I should be close to this #.




• 258 by 12/31/2007. Down 20 lbs by the end of the year would be a great start to my journey to a better me.




• 249 by 01/30/2008. One of my best friends always comes to visit during the Phoenix Open (or FBR Open if you will). I saw him the week before I started this change when I was close to 280. He's kind of the fitness nut of my circle of friends, so I'd really like to challenge him for that title. Another part of this goal is where we go out when I hang out with my close friends. It's always an ongoing battle between the "upper class" dressy kind of clubs and bars, and the casual-can I wear my hat and running shoes- college type of place. I always push hard for the latter of the two because I'm just not confident at all when I dress up to go out. I always say "that's not my scene", which probably won't change much when I've lost weight because I'm a pretty low key guy who'd rather chill and drink beers with the boys than go out clubbin', but a lot of that feeling also stems from not being confident in the way I look.

I know that there are only three goals there, but it's a start. That puts me on track for the next 2 months. If I achieve them early I may have to reassess. I guess that would be a great problem to have!

I want to wish all of you a most joyful Thanksgiving and holiday weekend. I certainly am thankful that I've become a part of such a wonderful group of people. I'll talk to you all soon!!

PS-Turn on the TV tomorrow night and pull for my Sun Devils against the hated Trojans. If we win this one, watch out Rose Bowl, here we come!! PSS-My scale sucks. I can step on it three times in a row and get three different weights. Quite a pain in the ass. It's like if I stand on it just right or just wrong the numbers are completely different. I need something that is more consistent.

WHEW!

The weekend has only just begun and I'm tanked. Would you believe that I had the day off.....from work that is. You see, my wife went out of town this morning for the weekend to help one of her best friends pick out brides maids dresses in the great state of Texas. That left me in charge of the two tykes. That's right, apparently she's confident enough in my fatherly abilities to leave me at the helm. If only I had as much confidence in myself :). I guess as any good father would do, I gave the baby just a drop of whisky in the bottle to get her to konk out early, and my oldest and I had Ruffles and ice cream for dinner. Frosted animal cookies made for a delightful dessert. The very definition of clean eating. In hindsight probably a bad idea as she is now bouncing off the walls with a sugar high.

OK OK in all seriousness, they are now both FINALLY in bed and I'm fighting a losing battle to keep my eyes open. Before I go much further I need to sing the praises of my aforementioned bride. Shes an angel. She does this EVERY day with only the occasional complaint, and no, she doesn't read this so I'm not just trying to score points ;). If any of you are stay at home mothers out there (or fathers for that matter) my cap is off to you.



I've been doing well this week. My eating, while by no means perfect yet, has been solid. I worked out on Monday and Tuesday, but haven't had time for the past 3 days. Wednesday I played softball, last night I had to teach an orientation class at our office, and today I planned on taking the girls with me to the gym, but it didn't work out. Tomorrow we have swim lessons early, but we WILL be making a trip to the gym right afterwards. I'm looking forward to it. I know that eating good is a HUGE part of the weight loss, but I don't want to just lose the weight. I want to build the muscle right along with it. On that note, I'm very intrigued by the CrossFit stuff that Jay talks about. There are a couple of places here in the Valley that do it so I'm thinking that after I've lost a significant amount of weight and feel at least a little in shape, I'll check them out. It seems like they provide the kind of work out that I'm ultimately looking for.



I hope you are all doing well, and if I can find a spare moment of quiet this weekend I'll make sure to check out your posts. If you don't hear from me, just assume that the kids have taken over the house ;)

One day at at Time

Yesterday was a step in the right direction. I ate well, and put myself thru probably the hardest workout I've done in the two weeks I've been at this. Also, after my self depreciating, woe is me post, I did some thinking. I guess I came up with a few things.

1. I need to change my mindset. Instead of focusing on the bad, I need to praise myself for the good moments thru out the day.


2. I need to stop comparing myself to others. It seems as though all of you as so very dedicated, and you've achieved so much in such a short time, that when I don't get comparable numbers then I get discourged. I know it's cliche but this is a marathon not a sprint. It may take me a little longer to get there, but I WILL get there.


3. I am going to stop coming up with reasons why I can't do this. I am not going to let myself off the hook this time. No more "Lame Excuses" as Rip would say. I CAN do this.


4. Fourth (something I've already vowed to do but got away from last week) I am going to stay accountable to FAT. Good or bad, happy or sad, I will let you know how I'm doing. No more hiding when I don't feel good about how thing have gone. I'm not saying I'll post every day, as I'm not as good of a writer as many of you are and can't turn my daily trials into great stories, but I'll keep you up to date.


5. Last but certainly not least, I am going to make specific goals. Right now with how my schedule changes day by day, I don't think that I can make specific plans for each day, but I can make target goals for certain time frames.

Thank you Brian, Kristen, Melissa, Rip, and Rob for your words of encouragement yesterday and this morning. It's so nice to have that support, and I assure you that it's not taken for granted. Thanks again!!

Finding Time....

Greetings everyone!! I'm sure you all were thinking that you'd gotten rid of me.......Not so Fast!! Sorry about so few posts, but this past week I've struggled mentally with this journey that I've started on. I know that my obstacles are no different than many of yours. I have a job that takes up much of my day, I have 2 little girls that I want to spend more time with, I have a wife that wants me to be home more, etc. NONE of these things are new to any of you, it's called life and you learn to work within your own little world. Easier said than done!

The problem is that I'm having a difficult time adjusting my schedule to fit in everything that I want to do. By reading many of your posts, I can see that most of you adhere to a strict plan to achieve your goals. That method is tried and true in the forum. I wonder......would I be setting myself up for certain failure by NOT setting a specific schedule? I mean, we all know when we are eating well and when we are not. Does it need to be planned out minute by minute. I'm afraid that I wouldn't stick to such a detailed plan for one reason or another. Knowing myself like I do, each of those little failures would eat at me, until finally I'd feel so bad about not holding myself to the plan, that I'd say screw it.

I'm talking crazy aren't I? I hate the feeling I have right now. It makes me feel like this is just going to be the same old thing. Try for awhile, and then slip back to my old ways. I see the success that all of you have had, and that motivates me so much, but somewhere in the back of my mind my inner fat is telling me that I'll never stick to this. I didn't post last week, and I'm telling myself, "See.....it's already happening, you're already slacking off." Like one of Billy's posts talked about, I am a HUGE HALF-ASSer. Story of my life. Do enough to get by. I work out hard at the gym, but could it be harder....sure. I eat well for the most part, but could I eat better.....absolutely. What does it take to snap out of a life long funk, and take control? My grade so far that I'd give myself is a C- on this trek. My eating has definitely changed for the better, and I'm working out more, but both points could be much better.

I feel like I'm just throwing a pity party for myself right now and I HATE that. It just seems like you all are so mentally strong, and I keep caving. I know that there is no magic wand that you can wave over me to make me get it, I have to figure all this out on my own. I appreciate all your support, and I'll get thru this.

This post ended up not being about time at all. Most of my set backs stem from me, not the outside factors of my life. :)

If it is to be, it is up to me!

What the "F"?

Well, well, well.......look who decided to show up this weekend. It's not too hard to figure out who it is. Yes, unfortunately it's the guy that I'm trying to distance myself from. I think that I'm going to learn very quickly that getting away from someone that resides inside of me is a seriously difficult task.

I don't know what else to say except that I had a bad weekend, and if I don't start to plan better, it's going to turn into a reoccuring theme. More often than not, my wife and I have some sort of family function to attend on the weekends. We've been doing it for so long that it's very easy for me to fall into old habits. Even when I'm fully aware of what I'm doing, the pull of normalcy is very strong. I don't even have the excuse that it was all just mindless eating and drinking. Nope, I knew exactly what was going on and just told myself "You can make up for it this week."

This is exactly the kind of attitude and rationalization that's got me to the point I'm at. I need to break the mold that I've eaten myself into over the years. My main thought right now is that I've got to be a little more methodical about this stuff. My goal this week is to put forward some specific measurable goals to strive for, and also some specific ways that I'm going to achieve them.

SO.....goal for the week, MAKE GOALS!

I hope everyone is having a great day, talk to you soon!!!

Watch Yer Step!!

So here it is, my first Friday night (not ever of course, but since I've started my weight loss/get healthy trek), and I've decided to type an entry into my blog. My wife has abandoned me for the evening to hang out with a few of her friends so I'm left to fend for myself. I've had a few whisky and waters so I'm feelin pretty good, but also just a tad bit down. That makes no sense but I'll try to explain.

OK so I got home from work this afternoon and my wife went out to meet a few friends at happy hour. A few hours have gone by and my girls have gone to sleep so I decide to have a few JD's to take the edge off from a long week at work. I guess the reason that I feel a little down is because I know that with the few drinks that I've had, comes a few unwanted calories. This "moral" dilemma started me thinking about this whole weight loss journey that I'm starting on and a question thats been running thru my mind since I started.....

Is there any quest that a person can embark on that has more built in pit falls / derailers/ land mines involved? From where I sit I don't know that there is.

I have a 7 mile drive to work and I bet on my route there's probably 25 places to get quick food, whether it be a fast food drive thru or a Kyoto Bowl in a strip center. Once I get to work unscathed, there's more stormy waters that I've got to navigate. Either it's "An agent is buying lunch for the everyone, what would you like from here", or "everyone is ordering from such and such a restaurant, would you like to join us", or "pot luck next Tuesday, what would you like to bring?" I politely decline, trying to steer a course for calmer waters (usually). I leave from work and pass those same 25 restaurants that I ingnored on the way there, only to arrive at home. Home sweet home, should be my safe house, my sanctuary.......right? Not yet I guess, there's alcohol (check), my daughters Halloween candy (check, 2 pieces last night), frozen chicken nuggets (no check yet, but VERY tempting), and countless other things that threaten to push my dinghy off course (keeping with the "lost at sea theme" ;).

I remember reading one of Billy's posts where his mother had a special meal that she cooked for a certain occasion every year, and when he and his brother didn't eat as much as usual and Jay didn't take any home, their mother was quite disappointed. I'd venture to say that most of us have similar stories about certain times. Just another example of the constant battering that one receives when trying to accomplish this goal.

I guess I don't know where I'm going with this other than to say that those of you who have made it thru this maze of temptation should be damn proud of yourselves (although I'm sure the temptation never completely disappears). AND those of us who're just beginning, well, here's to keeping our blinders on and continuing to push towards our goals. CHEERS!!

PS- On a completely different note, please disregard my question #2 from my last blog. My GLORIOUS scale has me down 4 lbs this week so far. As long as it gives me this kind of feedback, I continue to trust its numbers ;)~ Monday morning was 278 and this morning it said 274.

Y'all have a great weekend now, ya hear!

Selective Seeing.......

......the close cousin of Selective Hearing. I think that I had a severe case of selective seeing yesterday, but the positive side of that is that I noticed before it was too late. At the office yesterday, like in many offices around the country, we had a pot luck. Knowing that what my co-workers bring is always extremely tasty and just the kind of food I'd like to avoid, I planned ahead and brought my lunch. I was proud, I'd taken a step towards changing an unhealthy norm. Cut to lunchtime and I'm helping set up. The spread looks amazing and smells even better. What brought on the "selective seeing" thought was that I must have been in and out of that room 4-5 times with different trays, and each time after I'd set down what I was carrying I'd take a gander at the goods. All along I'm thinking, "I really want to eat one of everything, just try it all......but no, I've made the commitment to change. Well, then I wish that there were a few healthy choices, so that I could at least participate in the festivities." Mind you that this is probably the FIFTH time I've been in the room, when I look to my right and sitting right there on the table are a LARGE dish of assorted fruit and the same size bowl of salad. For whatever reason my eyes passed right over these dishes without even so much as registering that they were there. It really amazed me. I guess that there are times when you hear what you want to hear, and others where you see what you want to see.



I ended up eating my meal that I'd brought along with a few bowls of fruit. I did cave a little and have a bowl of homemade chili over probably 10 Fritos. All in all I did well not to eat everything there. I was proud of the choices that I made, because a week or a month ago I would have brought my lunch, and then left in in the fridge so I could fill up on what everyone brought. We also had a bit of a buffet style meal at my sister-in-laws house last night after taking the kids Trick-or-Treating. I made good choices there as well.



I guess that's a few small tests down, a few thousand more to go. Here's to passing all of them!



I want to take just a couple of seconds to say THANK YOU to all of you who have added me to their pages and welcomed me so kindly. Like I've said in a couple of my responses, I just hope to be a productive member of the F.A.T. Coalition. I said in my very first post that I'm doing this to keep myself accountable. I can already feel that happening, and let me tell you, it's a good feeling.



OK I have a couple of questions just about general stuff.



1.) I like where a lot of you post some random picture at the top of your post that pertains to your title or what the post is about. Is there a place to find free pix and how do you add them to your post. Also, I've taken my dreaded "BEFORE" pictures, but when I try to add it to the main page of my blog, it's HUGE. I don't know how to resize it to fit nicely like all of yours do. Any suggestions??



2.) Anyone have a good suggestion for an accurate scale that's moderately priced? Having a body fat % option would be great too. I have one at home, that I guess works OK, but I feel like if I don't stand on it just right, that it's not giving me the right #. I know that there are natural fluctuations in body weight thru out the day, but I can step on and off 3 times in a row and get three different #'s.



3.) Finally, how do I add all of your names to MY page??



Any help in these areas would be much appreciated. Have a great day everyone!!