The Best Me

2009-10-28T13:51:00.000-07:00

Has it really been that long since I posted?? Goodness, you can see why this may not have worked in the past. Anyway, the workout part of P90X is going good, but my problem has always been the eating. It's like I work out to break even which I fully understand is counterproductive. Anyways I'm at work, but I'm seriously contemplating entering everything that I eat into this blog everyday. That way there's no hiding. At the same time, my mind is saying "sure theres no hiding, but who's really going to care if you don't?" That's just it, it's the eating that kills my workouts, but it's my mind that kills all of this. It's like give in to being mentally weak when it comes to this stuff. That's sad huh. I need to find a way, ANY way to stay on a track. I guess I'll keep you posted. Take care for now!!!

First Steps Again

2009-10-11T19:14:00.001-07:00

So I'm starting my initial 2 weeks of P90X over. Not for the reasons you think though. I've done pretty well at sticking to the program. It's just that I have a buddy that had to go out of town for the next two weeks that started the program at the same time that I did. I figure that if I do the first two weeks over again, that we'll fall back on the same timeframe when he gets back. Who says it has to be 90 days anyway :). As long as I'm continuously working out, I'll be feeling pretty good. Plus I don't want this to finite timeframe anyway. This is something that is a jumpstart to a healther "best" me. Holy cow, I looked at the BeachBody.com website for the first time this week, and was blown away by the contest winners. Their body changes are nothing short of amazing, and truly inspirational. I'd like to see if I can match their accomplishments.

Anyway, keep plugging, and I'll be back soon. Take care!!

SORE!!!

2009-10-01T06:35:00.001-07:00

Today is day 4 of P90X and I'm really liking it. I've found that it's much easier to get up early in the morning to workout if you know you just have to walk to your living room. It was always tough to drag myself out when I knew I had to drive to workout. So I just got finished with the Yoga disk, and it was no big surprise that I could barely keep up. Flexibility is not my forte, but I know its a key part of being strong and healthy. Not only am I not flexible, but I'm really sore from days 1-3. I knew that I worked my tail off during the Plyometrics workout, but I didn't realize that it was much more than just a great cardio workout. My legs were dead yesterday, and extremely sore. The best part about it though is realizing that you're really working parts of your body that have been stagnant for quite a long time. The soreness almost validates the hard work you're doing. Anyways, I'll keep you posted as I continue on this first of twelve weeks. Off to work!!!

No Promises

2009-09-28T21:21:00.000-07:00

Wow......so it's coming up on 2 years now that I started writing this thing and here I sit...same computer...same keyboard, same view out on the back yard, and same ME. Still the same father, with two little girls (bigger now), a beautiful wife (pregnant now, fingers crossed for a boy), that wants to do better. It's a feeling that never goes away. That always feeling just a little bit uncomfortable with how you look. My self confidence still kept in check by my self image. It's eerie to look back on the posts that I wrote that long ago and see how much of it still holds true. The more things change the more they stay the same, right? I sort of feel like I was just paying lip service to everyone that was reading. It's like deep down I knew that "Hey, you're still you, even when you write all these fancy words. You're still going to give up the chase at some point, right? Isn't that what you've always done?" I know I know...........crappy attitude, but pretty much right on.
I never wanted to be that guy. The one that starts a blog only to drift away unnoticed a few months later. I figured this writing and people reading would bring me back, you know, keep me motivated and accountable. In the end it didn't, and I'm bummed about that when I think about it, because there were a lot of good people that I was keeping up with that I'm sure are gone now. It really was neat to gain a little glimpse into each of their lives, and to share a little of mine. Well all I can say is that I hope they all succeeded in their quests for fitness, and that hopefully this will be my last hoorah. The one that starts the snowball at the top of the mountain, just the tiny spec that will continue to roll down the hill of life picking up speed and......where am I going with this. Bad analogy, the snowball gets bigger and bigger, when I just want to get smaller and smaller.
See what happens when you don't post in 2 years, you ramble. What brought this on is that I started P90X today, and I'm excited. I'm pretty sure that 90% of the world has completed their first rotation of this workout series, but better late than never is what I always say. I'm going to try to chronicle my little journey here. No promises, but we'll see. UNTIL NEXT TIME......

The Fork

2008-01-21T20:26:00.000-08:00

I guess all is not well here. It's not like I'm not making any strides because I know I am, but it's almost like I'm spinning my wheels. I'm not putting together the whole package. My workouts have been great and taxing, but my eating has been sporadic at best. It's not overly difficult to find where to point the finger.

The problem is that putting together the entire package is what it takes to be successful. Yes there will be hiccups here and there, that's just life, but they MUST be kept to a minimum. Diet is the hardest part of this for me. I know that it's 90% of the battle. I think about it constantly. Honestly I feel like a walking contradiction. I workout hard to burn the calories, then I go F it up by eating the wrong stuff. How is it that I can make this decision to lose weight, and the go and consciously sabotage it. If you read thru my past posts, you'll see that I've gone in circles about 10 times. I'm up and then down, on a streak of doing well, then ruining it. To say that I'm sick of it is an understatement to the 10th degree. It's maddening. My stomach is all in knots right now. I think that the worst kind of disappointment must be when you disappoint yourself. There's no one else to place the blame on. There's no excuse that is worthy of being said. It all boils down to simple choices. No, I haven't broken this promise to myself yet because I've vowed not to this time, but I've really got to figure out how to do this right.

As I sit here and write I wonder what I'd say if I'd read this on one of your blogs. "We all go thru these times, but at least you've admitted where the fault lies. Now change your choices and start putting it all together. Who knows how far that'll take you." OR "Stop being such a pansy about all of this and just make the choices you know you're supposed to be making." OR "Wow, it looks like you've tried EVERYTHING, but apparently nothing works for you huh? Might as well quit, you're obviously just big boned."

I'm fast approaching 3 months on this journey, and I'm barely better for it. I won't kid you or myself with any bold statements of what I'm going to do to fix this. When I finally do make the right changes I'll let you know what they were. Who knows, maybe one of these days I'll figure out that it takes something other than the path of least resistance to get results.

Head Down, Blinders On....

2008-01-16T14:33:00.000-08:00

Weight (last night) - 265 lbs

That's where I'm at right now. I haven't blogged in almost a week so I felt like I should say something, but honestly right now I don't have much to report. I'm doing well, and the workouts are going good. I still feel like I need to push my body a little harder when I'm doing the weights, but the cardio sessions have been great. Last night I did 22 min of HIIT on the elliptical at level 12 - - 45 sec at or above 75 rpm / 45 around 60 rpm - - which worked great for the heart rate. Then I moved on to the Stair Climber (with the actual rotating steps, whatever that thing is called) for 30 mins @ level 5 on the "Fat Burner Plus" program. So apparently, not only did I burn some fat, I also added a little something extra on top of it. Whatever it was, I walked away from the gym happy with that session. I don't know about all of you, but I calculate the intensity of my workout (especially cardio) based on the dampness of my shirt when I leave. I know it's not the most scientific approach, but that's how I know that I pushed myself outside my comfort level. When my 30 mins were up on the Super Rotating Step Machine, the screen flashed "GOAL ATTAINED"!! Unfortunately I hadn't dropped 70 lbs in that half hour, but it still felt good to see that phrase. One day my ultimate weight loss goal will be attained, and I know that that machine will be a big part of why.

Have a great day!!! Talk to you all soon!

Drawing Inspiration

2008-01-10T10:21:00.000-08:00

For most of us inspiration isn't much of a problem. It's all around us. I'm inspired by all of your hard work which is obviously paying off. My daughters and wife inspire me to do better. I see someone with a body that I'd like to have, and again I'm inspired. With that being said, there is one way that I, for whatever reason, rarely draw inspiration..........thru music. Not that I don't appreciate what goes into writing the lyrics to a song, quite the contrary actually, but I just don't often take the words and apply them to a certain aspect of my life. Anyways where I'm going with this is that I guess I'm going to take a page out of Gene's book and quote a portion of a song that for some reason is inspiring me. The song is called "Prayer of the Refugee" by a band called Rise Against. The second verse has been stuck in my head for a while now, it goes:

"We are the angry and the desperate, the hungry and the cold.

We are the ones that kept quiet, and always did what we were told."

"But we've been sweating while you slept so calm in the safety of your home,

we've been pulling out the nails that hold up everything you've known."

I've thought about why this particular verse inspires me into action. I feel like represents the person inside of me, my alter ego maybe. I've recently started getting up very early (4:30 this morning!!) to do my workouts, so the third line gets me going in the morning. It makes me realize that there are MANY people out there working to better themselves while I sleep, and I want to be one of those people. And the last line makes me think of all the bad habits that I'm in the process of breaking, "pulling out the nails that hold up everything I've known" so that I can build a new lifestyle.

So there it is. Counting this morning I've worked out 4 times since Sunday so I'm definitely on the right track. The key is to continue when I start seeing results, not to get complacent. My eating has been spot on with the exception of a little indulgence at lunch yesterday. I think that I'm going to start posting a weekly weigh in similar to what Brian does so that I can see my progress. I weigh myself more often than that, but not every day so a weekly or 5 day average might be tough to come by until I can invest in a quality scale for home. I'll start doing it on Mondays.

I hope this finds you all doing well. Keep workin'............I'll talk to you later :)~

Pickin' up steam

2008-01-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

So far......so good. I've decided to have a short memory with this whole journey. It's kind of like the saying "what have you done for me lately". I think that's just the attitude that I need to have. I can't get too caught up in how well I'm doing. On the same token, I've got to let it go if I don't make a solid choice, and not let it derail my goals. I've done it before, but not this time. This time I've made the commitment. There will be no resting on my laurels. My body is my temple, right? Isn't that what they say? Boy have I missed the boat on that one for the last 28 and a half years. I've always been jealous of how the guys that are lean and ripped look. My reaction has always been, "ha, must be nice". Well.....yeah, I bet it is nice, but I kid myself by thinking that they didn't have to work hard to look like that. While I'm going to get Taco Bell for dinner on Sunday, they're at home preparing their meals for the week. Not anymore ladies and gents, now it's my turn to work.

It's amazing the satisfaction just one day of great choices can give someone, isn't it. Maybe satisfaction isn't the right word, the.....confidence to do it again, the.......reassurance that you CAN succeed, the.....positive energy, maybe those define it better. You just feel soooo good about it. I just want to keep putting those days together, stacked one on top of another, building the foundation for what I want my body to be. I've had 4 days of good choices now, so like I said, I'm picking up steam. The little 'suicidal' snowball (as Rob so kindly referred to it) is moving along nicely so far.

Time to get the little ones ready for bed. I'll keep you posted ;)

Step One.....Take 2

2008-01-03T19:06:00.000-08:00

At the end of my very first post I said that I thought that I'd just taken the first step of the marathon to weight loss. In a way that was true. By starting to blog, and by meeting and learning about all of your journey's, I believe I did take a big step forward. However, in the time between then and now, I've accomplished exactly nothing. Zip, zero, zilch. The desire to lose weight has been there (it's always there), but in looking at why I'm still where I'm at, the answer is obvious, the commitment to do what is necessary to achieve what I desire has been lacking. I feel like a hypocrite, I've talked the talk, and have not even come close to walking the walk. I won't rehash what I just talked about in my last post, but that is going to change.

I've read The Phoenix Theory post from Billy's blog over and over. To be honest, after the first time thru I thought that, if that's how you have to feel to loose weight then I'm shit out of luck. I don't have a traumatic experience to start me off. I do have my "before pictures", which are eye opening, but not . I'm also not an angry person. It takes a lot to piss me off. I guess I'm a glass half full guy. So, if I don't have a traumatic event to put the ball in motion, and I don't have anger to feed the fire, then how do I maintain the drive. For me it's going to be a choice. A decision where there are no other alternatives. For awhile now I been that little snowball sitting at the top of the mountain waiting for a nudge to get me rolling. SOMEBODY PUSH ME!!! ;) actually you don't need to, I just jumped! (don't ask me how a snowball jumps :)

Off and rolling..............until next time.

A Year Will Come and Go Regardless....

2007-12-26T11:44:00.000-08:00

......will I be better or worse? I really like that quote. It motivates me. It puts things in perspective. It gives me hope. It's also too long term for me. It's the light at the end of the tunnel that is still pitch black right now. It's the finish line of the marathon, a picture when I close my eyes, but not tangible yet. Although it's not my profession, procrastination is probably my main hobby. Not that it's anything to be proud of, nor is it anything new with me, but it is what it is. Give me a year to accomplish something, and I'll take the first 9 months off because "I have PLENTY of time to achieve this goal". I've set short term goals, but failed to follow up with the steps necessary to reach them. For me it's a constant battle of being proactive or putting it off for later. So far on this journey, unfortunately the latter concept has been the overwhelming winner.

Another quote that Billy recently put on his blog was something like "If you can't keep a promise to yourself, what kind of person does that make you??" I wasn't as big of a fan of this one. My initial reaction was almost anger, which is ridiculous because it's not like the quote was meant in an antagonistic way. The only way that quote could make anyone angry would be if the person reading it had broken a promise to themself, and therefore took offense to the comment........uhhhhh, CHECK :). The quote applys to me so how do I answer? I guess I don't know what kind of person that makes me. Someone who doesn't follow thru or a person with a motivation problem. Whatever I am, I know that this is a characteristic that I'd like to start bending in the right direction. Along with being more fit and healthy, I have plenty of other things that could use some working on. A big one is following thru on the things that I say that I'm going to do. Of course, this goal applies to many different aspects of my life and not just the weight loss. Like many other things with me though, this isn't something that I just realized. It's not like it's an new problem. I'm not much into New Years resolutions (mostly because I don't see them thru.......hmmmm), but I think this year I'm going to try, no not try.......I AM, going to follow up on them.

So here they are....I'm going to be more diligent in doing the things that need to be done WHEN they need to be done, not later. Whether it's getting to the gym, eating healthy, fixing something at the house, helping my wife with the household chores, joining a ToastMaster group, or seeking out other ways to help advance my professional life, whatever it may be, I am going to be proactive. Given, this is a repeat of a PROMISE that I've made to myself (and others) plenty of times, but this time I'm going to keep it. I still don't know what kind of person it'll make me when I DO keep a promise to myself, but I don't think I'd be too far off by saying that I'll be happier and more proud of the person I am.

Now on to this whole blogging thing. It's sad for me to say that I haven't posted in almost 3 weeks. That's not the way I wanted it to be. In one of my earlier posts I commented on some of the links that everyone has on their page to someone elses page that's gone dormant. I said that I didn't want to be one of those people who started with the best of intentions and then taperd off. I also said that no matter what "Happy, Sad, Good, or Bad" that I'd let you know how I was doing, and I haven't done that lately. It's hard for me because the last thing I want to do is waste someone else's time. The best thing about the Coalition, at least for me, is that everyone reads everyone else's posts and takes the time to comment, encourage, console, motivate, etc. In my mind, if I'm posting, and people are taking the time to read and comment, but I'm not following up on my end of the bargain, then I'm wasting everyone's time. I don't want this to just be words. As we all know, it's so easy to write or say, but not do.....hence "easier said than done". If I write something I want it to be something that I'm going to adhere to. I was all gung ho about Tuck's Big Challenge, for like the first week, then had a bad weekend and it all fell apart. By letting it fall apart, it made me feel like the enthusiasm that I had, and the things that I'd written about how excited I was and how it was going to help further motivate me to stay on track were all just lip service.

Anyways, I've taken up enough of your time.......I'll write more soon. I hope you all had a great holiday.

Busy

2007-12-07T09:13:00.000-08:00

I apologize in advance, this is going to have to be short. It's been a week (I think) since the last one and I only have time to check in. Our Designated Broker (The Boss) has been out of town all week so I was delegated to take over that job in his absence. To be perfectly honest I've basically been treading water all week trying to keep up. Most of it is self inflicted, but nonetheless I'm close to sinking. That's why I haven't had the time to check in.

On the weight loss front, I've been doing well by all accounts. I've worked out a couple of times and I plan on adding a few more before the week is over. My eating has been the same as usual. Many good choices mixed in with a few lapses. I think I'm down weight from the beginning of the week when I weighed in for Tuck's Big Challenge at the gym (267 on that scale - my scale when I got home AFTER a great cardio session said 275). I feel like this competition is keeping more in line than I would normally be. It feels good...to be good :)

I apologize for not being able to read and comment on all of yours, but I'll be getting back to normal here shortly. I hope all is well with the rest of you in the land of F.A.T. Have a great weekend!!!!

One Month

2007-11-30T09:17:00.000-08:00

That's what it's been now.....one month since I've started. I'm actually quite proud of myself so far. There will always be room for improvement, but my journey so far has been the most conscious I've been about being healthy in a LONG time. The results that I expected have not arrived yet. I guess that's what I get for "expecting" things. Some of that is undoubtedly my fault, but I'm also somewhat miffed about my progress. Mentally......right now, at this moment :)........I'm happy with the changes that I know I've made. I KNOW that I've made better choices with food, with portion sizes, with what I drink, etc. I am also very aware that I need to make a more concerted effort to work out consistently if I want to achieve my ultimate goals. What I don't understand is how I can basically be at the same point today that I was exactly one month ago. Again, I wasn't perfect, but I didn't expect to be. I've been taking it one day at a time. But to have the scale read close to where I began still doesn't compute in my head. Especially when I think a week ago today I had my lowest weigh in which was down almost 10 lbs. The only thing that I can think of is that I broke my scale (no BS :) It must have been probably Sunday or Monday when I stepped on it and it made a big SNAP noise, which I'll admit was a little embarrassing. It also lowered about a quarter inch. I picked it up and a small insignificant looking silver piece fell out. The numbers were a little high, but I just figured that it was from eating bad on Sunday. Well they haven't changed since and I'm really starting to wonder. Half of me thinks that it must be the scale because I really have done well this week, but the other half just thinks that it's my mind rationalizing why I'm the same. Who knows. I guess it's all I got, but I think next time I'm at the gym (tonite) I'll use their scale to check.

On another note, I'm very excited about participating in one of "Tuck's Big Challenges" this coming month. Being an athlete for most of my life the thing I miss most is the competition. For 3 months out of the year (Feb, Mar, & Apr) that thirst is quenched because I get to coach Baseball at one of our local High Schools, but for the rest of the year it just lingers there. I look forward to the challenge in December, Biggest Loser style. I hope everyone is well, and I'll talk to you all soon!

Good, Bad, Happy, or Sad......

2007-11-27T11:12:00.000-08:00

....that's what I said. Forgive me if I ramble this post, I can feel it coming. I was good. I did basically everything right. I made a conscious effort to control the cravings that I knew would come. And I succeeded...............................right up to the point on Sunday where being "good", doing "everything right", and having "control" were apparently things that other people worried about. I went back to chubby guy who MUST have it if someone else is going to eat it. If you're going to do it, well go right ahead and count me in.

So on Saturday, sick daughter turned into sick wife. Now our 2 on 2 game with the girls has become a 3 on 1 fast break where I've got no chance to stop the inevitable layup. I did my best to keep up with them all trying to find ways to appease everyone. I did a pretty good job (if I do say so myself ;) I guess until I went golfing with some friends on Sunday morning. Bad Husband!! I know. Anyway all I ate that morning was a banana, and I didn't get home until about 1. I made myself a bowl of minestrone soup and a grilled cheese sandwich on whole grain bread. Decently good choice.........so far. Its at this point where the wife wants me to go get her a couple of cheese burgers from McDonald's (you know she's sick when she asks for fast food). I politely oblige her request, and like I said above if she's gonna have it.............so am I. She got her burgers, and I got my 2 Big n' Tasty's with cheese. WHY!!! Who makes that kind of decision in the midst of a healthy transformation. The whole time I'm taking bite after bite thinking "what the hell am I doing?" She made me feel better by saying that I could just use Sunday as my "cheat" day. That would have been fine if I'd planned it to be that way, but losing a battle with my own willpower just makes me feel sick. I've been here before, many times. Feeling good, losing weight, start to feel confident, and then BAM, sense is knocked back into me. It's usually followed closely by jumping off the wagon train that I've hitched myself to. Reading Jim's last post really hit home with me today. I don't want to undo the work that I've been putting in just to quench some random desire. I want to stay on this train, ride it out, and just see where it takes me.

Another thing I've been struggling with is finding the time to work out. It's not like I have zero time either. I'm not a morning person, and I'm not an evening person. What does that make me, some sort of afternoon person? Is there even such a thing? I get up early every other day to take care of the girls before work, but on the days that my wife does it, I sleep in. No matter what day it is, I'm usually beat when I get home from work. I don't think that I'd be out of line to say that much of this being tired is probably a direct result of not being in shape. Hmmmm, vicious cycle. It's time to adhere to my goals. This is the first week after I shared what my plans were, and I didn't work out yesterday, so I've got the rest of the week to get in 3-4 days of gym time.

I don't know if "re-dedication" is something that should be uttered by someone who's been at this for less than a month, but DAMN IT I'm tired of the ebb and flow of my willpower. On the flip side, maybe the ebb and flow is what this journey is all about. It certainly is part of life. My commitment to achieving my goals has not broken. I want this and I will do this, I just have to work out the inconsistencies. So I've had all my feelings this past few days, The Good and Happy, followed by the Bad and Sad.

I've rambled enough. Thanks for letting me write out what I'm trying to figure out in my head. I'm glad we had this talk.

So far so good

2007-11-23T17:18:00.000-08:00

Because ALL of my brothers-in-law (3 of them) are all Fire Fighters, and all happened to have to work yesterday, both my family and my wifes family decided to celebrate Thanksgiving today. Yesterday was a day off from work and just a day to finally get to hang out with my wife and the girls. Unfortunately we ended up taking care of our oldest who seems to have come down with the flu. She threw up all afternoon and evening. It's such a helpless feeling as a parent watching your child hurt and knowing that there isn't much you can do to ease their pain. Needless to say, we didn't sleep too much last night.

On a good note my eating was great. A small bowl of whole grain Cheerios for breakfast, some mixed nuts for a snack, a mushroom omelet for lunch, and baked Mahi Mahi with Caesar salad for dinner. This morning was my lowest weigh in to date, 269. I know that weight fluctuation can be a pain, but I hope I've said goodbye to the 270's for good. This morning we went to my parents for our first helping of the holiday foods. My daughter ended up heaving again so it was a quick trip, but I definitely ate in moderation. Only one plate with a lot of turkey, a little stuffing, and a little mashed potato's with gravy. One small piece of pie for dessert. Definitely not perfect, but MUCH better than previous years. I'm staying home with she who is sick so I won't be attending my in laws dinner. I guess it might be a blessing in disguise. I'll keep you posted.

Shes calling for me now so I'd better run. I hope everyone had a great day, and I look forward to hearing about all of your weekends!

Plans are for Fools....

2007-11-21T08:43:00.000-08:00

....as Brian would say. I guess I've resigned myself to the fact that I must become a fool ;) Hello all. It's been 5 days since my last post, and I'm feeling guilty about it. I've actually been doing quite well in my quest. This morning was my lowest weigh in to date. My eating has been really good, but I haven't been making the time to workout enough. This has pushed me to finally set some guidelines for myself, FINALLY.

I am going to workout AT LEAST 3-4 times per week. More time spent working out would be ideal, but this is my bare minimum.

I am going to start counting calories to the best of my ability. Winging it in my head seems to be working fine, but I've heard that often times people underestimate the amount they are eating by up to 40%! That sounds crazy to me, but I want to be sure. I've used an online calculator to estimate my TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) at right around 3000 calories. I'd like to reduce my calorie intake to between 2200 and 2400 per day. This is by no means perfect, but I'll try it for a little while and then make adjustments accordingly.

One other goal that I'm really contemplating is trying a half marathon with my wife in Seattle next summer. We will be in town to visit my great aunt during some sort of yearly festival there. My wife has always wanted to run in one (even after having a baby 3 months ago, she's well on her way back to being in great shape), and I'd love to surprise her by signing us both up for it. My biggest hurdle is that I DESPISE running. After being an athlete for my entire life and always being forced to "condition", I always told myself that when sports were over, I'd find some other way to do cardio. There are plenty of good alternatives to running. I'm a big guy, and running has never been a comfortable thing for me to do. Did any of you who now run have similar feelings about it before you started?

I also have come up with a few target time frame goals as far as my weight loss goes. Right now I'm at 270, roughly 8 lbs less than when I started (Oct. 29th).

265 by 12/01/2007. This is holiday picture day for my family, so I'd like to drop a few extra lb's. I think that if I'm conscious of my intake during the holiday, and diligent in my workouts, I should be close to this #.

258 by 12/31/2007. Down 20 lbs by the end of the year would be a great start to my journey to a better me.

249 by 01/30/2008. One of my best friends always comes to visit during the Phoenix Open (or FBR Open if you will). I saw him the week before I started this change when I was close to 280. He's kind of the fitness nut of my circle of friends, so I'd really like to challenge him for that title. Another part of this goal is where we go out when I hang out with my close friends. It's always an ongoing battle between the "upper class" dressy kind of clubs and bars, and the casual-can I wear my hat and running shoes- college type of place. I always push hard for the latter of the two because I'm just not confident at all when I dress up to go out. I always say "that's not my scene", which probably won't change much when I've lost weight because I'm a pretty low key guy who'd rather chill and drink beers with the boys than go out clubbin', but a lot of that feeling also stems from not being confident in the way I look.

I know that there are only three goals there, but it's a start. That puts me on track for the next 2 months. If I achieve them early I may have to reassess. I guess that would be a great problem to have!

I want to wish all of you a most joyful Thanksgiving and holiday weekend. I certainly am thankful that I've become a part of such a wonderful group of people. I'll talk to you all soon!!

PS-Turn on the TV tomorrow night and pull for my Sun Devils against the hated Trojans. If we win this one, watch out Rose Bowl, here we come!! PSS-My scale sucks. I can step on it three times in a row and get three different weights. Quite a pain in the ass. It's like if I stand on it just right or just wrong the numbers are completely different. I need something that is more consistent.

WHEW!

2007-11-16T20:53:00.000-08:00

The weekend has only just begun and I'm tanked. Would you believe that I had the day off.....from work that is. You see, my wife went out of town this morning for the weekend to help one of her best friends pick out brides maids dresses in the great state of Texas. That left me in charge of the two tykes. That's right, apparently she's confident enough in my fatherly abilities to leave me at the helm. If only I had as much confidence in myself :). I guess as any good father would do, I gave the baby just a drop of whisky in the bottle to get her to konk out early, and my oldest and I had Ruffles and ice cream for dinner. Frosted animal cookies made for a delightful dessert. The very definition of clean eating. In hindsight probably a bad idea as she is now bouncing off the walls with a sugar high.

OK OK in all seriousness, they are now both FINALLY in bed and I'm fighting a losing battle to keep my eyes open. Before I go much further I need to sing the praises of my aforementioned bride. Shes an angel. She does this EVERY day with only the occasional complaint, and no, she doesn't read this so I'm not just trying to score points ;). If any of you are stay at home mothers out there (or fathers for that matter) my cap is off to you.

I've been doing well this week. My eating, while by no means perfect yet, has been solid. I worked out on Monday and Tuesday, but haven't had time for the past 3 days. Wednesday I played softball, last night I had to teach an orientation class at our office, and today I planned on taking the girls with me to the gym, but it didn't work out. Tomorrow we have swim lessons early, but we WILL be making a trip to the gym right afterwards. I'm looking forward to it. I know that eating good is a HUGE part of the weight loss, but I don't want to just lose the weight. I want to build the muscle right along with it. On that note, I'm very intrigued by the CrossFit stuff that Jay talks about. There are a couple of places here in the Valley that do it so I'm thinking that after I've lost a significant amount of weight and feel at least a little in shape, I'll check them out. It seems like they provide the kind of work out that I'm ultimately looking for.

I hope you are all doing well, and if I can find a spare moment of quiet this weekend I'll make sure to check out your posts. If you don't hear from me, just assume that the kids have taken over the house ;)

One day at at Time

2007-11-13T08:42:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a step in the right direction. I ate well, and put myself thru probably the hardest workout I've done in the two weeks I've been at this. Also, after my self depreciating, woe is me post, I did some thinking. I guess I came up with a few things.

I need to change my mindset. Instead of focusing on the bad, I need to praise myself for the good moments thru out the day.

I need to stop comparing myself to others. It seems as though all of you as so very dedicated, and you've achieved so much in such a short time, that when I don't get comparable numbers then I get discourged. I know it's cliche but this is a marathon not a sprint. It may take me a little longer to get there, but I WILL get there.

I am going to stop coming up with reasons why I can't do this. I am not going to let myself off the hook this time. No more "Lame Excuses" as Rip would say. I CAN do this.

Fourth (something I've already vowed to do but got away from last week) I am going to stay accountable to FAT. Good or bad, happy or sad, I will let you know how I'm doing. No more hiding when I don't feel good about how thing have gone. I'm not saying I'll post every day, as I'm not as good of a writer as many of you are and can't turn my daily trials into great stories, but I'll keep you up to date.

Last but certainly not least, I am going to make specific goals. Right now with how my schedule changes day by day, I don't think that I can make specific plans for each day, but I can make target goals for certain time frames.

Thank you Brian, Kristen, Melissa, Rip, and Rob for your words of encouragement yesterday and this morning. It's so nice to have that support, and I assure you that it's not taken for granted. Thanks again!!

Finding Time....

2007-11-12T08:55:00.000-08:00

Greetings everyone!! I'm sure you all were thinking that you'd gotten rid of me.......Not so Fast!! Sorry about so few posts, but this past week I've struggled mentally with this journey that I've started on. I know that my obstacles are no different than many of yours. I have a job that takes up much of my day, I have 2 little girls that I want to spend more time with, I have a wife that wants me to be home more, etc. NONE of these things are new to any of you, it's called life and you learn to work within your own little world. Easier said than done!

The problem is that I'm having a difficult time adjusting my schedule to fit in everything that I want to do. By reading many of your posts, I can see that most of you adhere to a strict plan to achieve your goals. That method is tried and true in the forum. I wonder......would I be setting myself up for certain failure by NOT setting a specific schedule? I mean, we all know when we are eating well and when we are not. Does it need to be planned out minute by minute. I'm afraid that I wouldn't stick to such a detailed plan for one reason or another. Knowing myself like I do, each of those little failures would eat at me, until finally I'd feel so bad about not holding myself to the plan, that I'd say screw it.

I'm talking crazy aren't I? I hate the feeling I have right now. It makes me feel like this is just going to be the same old thing. Try for awhile, and then slip back to my old ways. I see the success that all of you have had, and that motivates me so much, but somewhere in the back of my mind my inner fat is telling me that I'll never stick to this. I didn't post last week, and I'm telling myself, "See.....it's already happening, you're already slacking off." Like one of Billy's posts talked about, I am a HUGE HALF-ASSer. Story of my life. Do enough to get by. I work out hard at the gym, but could it be harder....sure. I eat well for the most part, but could I eat better.....absolutely. What does it take to snap out of a life long funk, and take control? My grade so far that I'd give myself is a C- on this trek. My eating has definitely changed for the better, and I'm working out more, but both points could be much better.

I feel like I'm just throwing a pity party for myself right now and I HATE that. It just seems like you all are so mentally strong, and I keep caving. I know that there is no magic wand that you can wave over me to make me get it, I have to figure all this out on my own. I appreciate all your support, and I'll get thru this.

This post ended up not being about time at all. Most of my set backs stem from me, not the outside factors of my life. :)

If it is to be, it is up to me!

What the "F"?

2007-11-05T13:39:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well.......look who decided to show up this weekend. It's not too hard to figure out who it is. Yes, unfortunately it's the guy that I'm trying to distance myself from. I think that I'm going to learn very quickly that getting away from someone that resides inside of me is a seriously difficult task.

I don't know what else to say except that I had a bad weekend, and if I don't start to plan better, it's going to turn into a reoccuring theme. More often than not, my wife and I have some sort of family function to attend on the weekends. We've been doing it for so long that it's very easy for me to fall into old habits. Even when I'm fully aware of what I'm doing, the pull of normalcy is very strong. I don't even have the excuse that it was all just mindless eating and drinking. Nope, I knew exactly what was going on and just told myself "You can make up for it this week."

This is exactly the kind of attitude and rationalization that's got me to the point I'm at. I need to break the mold that I've eaten myself into over the years. My main thought right now is that I've got to be a little more methodical about this stuff. My goal this week is to put forward some specific measurable goals to strive for, and also some specific ways that I'm going to achieve them.

SO.....goal for the week, MAKE GOALS!

I hope everyone is having a great day, talk to you soon!!!

Watch Yer Step!!

2007-11-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

So here it is, my first Friday night (not ever of course, but since I've started my weight loss/get healthy trek), and I've decided to type an entry into my blog. My wife has abandoned me for the evening to hang out with a few of her friends so I'm left to fend for myself. I've had a few whisky and waters so I'm feelin pretty good, but also just a tad bit down. That makes no sense but I'll try to explain.

OK so I got home from work this afternoon and my wife went out to meet a few friends at happy hour. A few hours have gone by and my girls have gone to sleep so I decide to have a few JD's to take the edge off from a long week at work. I guess the reason that I feel a little down is because I know that with the few drinks that I've had, comes a few unwanted calories. This "moral" dilemma started me thinking about this whole weight loss journey that I'm starting on and a question thats been running thru my mind since I started.....

Is there any quest that a person can embark on that has more built in pit falls / derailers/ land mines involved? From where I sit I don't know that there is.

I have a 7 mile drive to work and I bet on my route there's probably 25 places to get quick food, whether it be a fast food drive thru or a Kyoto Bowl in a strip center. Once I get to work unscathed, there's more stormy waters that I've got to navigate. Either it's "An agent is buying lunch for the everyone, what would you like from here", or "everyone is ordering from such and such a restaurant, would you like to join us", or "pot luck next Tuesday, what would you like to bring?" I politely decline, trying to steer a course for calmer waters (usually). I leave from work and pass those same 25 restaurants that I ingnored on the way there, only to arrive at home. Home sweet home, should be my safe house, my sanctuary.......right? Not yet I guess, there's alcohol (check), my daughters Halloween candy (check, 2 pieces last night), frozen chicken nuggets (no check yet, but VERY tempting), and countless other things that threaten to push my dinghy off course (keeping with the "lost at sea theme" ;).

I remember reading one of Billy's posts where his mother had a special meal that she cooked for a certain occasion every year, and when he and his brother didn't eat as much as usual and Jay didn't take any home, their mother was quite disappointed. I'd venture to say that most of us have similar stories about certain times. Just another example of the constant battering that one receives when trying to accomplish this goal.

I guess I don't know where I'm going with this other than to say that those of you who have made it thru this maze of temptation should be damn proud of yourselves (although I'm sure the temptation never completely disappears). AND those of us who're just beginning, well, here's to keeping our blinders on and continuing to push towards our goals. CHEERS!!

PS- On a completely different note, please disregard my question #2 from my last blog. My GLORIOUS scale has me down 4 lbs this week so far. As long as it gives me this kind of feedback, I continue to trust its numbers ;)~ Monday morning was 278 and this morning it said 274.

Y'all have a great weekend now, ya hear!

Selective Seeing.......

2007-11-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

......the close cousin of Selective Hearing. I think that I had a severe case of selective seeing yesterday, but the positive side of that is that I noticed before it was too late. At the office yesterday, like in many offices around the country, we had a pot luck. Knowing that what my co-workers bring is always extremely tasty and just the kind of food I'd like to avoid, I planned ahead and brought my lunch. I was proud, I'd taken a step towards changing an unhealthy norm. Cut to lunchtime and I'm helping set up. The spread looks amazing and smells even better. What brought on the "selective seeing" thought was that I must have been in and out of that room 4-5 times with different trays, and each time after I'd set down what I was carrying I'd take a gander at the goods. All along I'm thinking, "I really want to eat one of everything, just try it all......but no, I've made the commitment to change. Well, then I wish that there were a few healthy choices, so that I could at least participate in the festivities." Mind you that this is probably the FIFTH time I've been in the room, when I look to my right and sitting right there on the table are a LARGE dish of assorted fruit and the same size bowl of salad. For whatever reason my eyes passed right over these dishes without even so much as registering that they were there. It really amazed me. I guess that there are times when you hear what you want to hear, and others where you see what you want to see.

I ended up eating my meal that I'd brought along with a few bowls of fruit. I did cave a little and have a bowl of homemade chili over probably 10 Fritos. All in all I did well not to eat everything there. I was proud of the choices that I made, because a week or a month ago I would have brought my lunch, and then left in in the fridge so I could fill up on what everyone brought. We also had a bit of a buffet style meal at my sister-in-laws house last night after taking the kids Trick-or-Treating. I made good choices there as well.

I guess that's a few small tests down, a few thousand more to go. Here's to passing all of them!

I want to take just a couple of seconds to say THANK YOU to all of you who have added me to their pages and welcomed me so kindly. Like I've said in a couple of my responses, I just hope to be a productive member of the F.A.T. Coalition. I said in my very first post that I'm doing this to keep myself accountable. I can already feel that happening, and let me tell you, it's a good feeling.

OK I have a couple of questions just about general stuff.

1.) I like where a lot of you post some random picture at the top of your post that pertains to your title or what the post is about. Is there a place to find free pix and how do you add them to your post. Also, I've taken my dreaded "BEFORE" pictures, but when I try to add it to the main page of my blog, it's HUGE. I don't know how to resize it to fit nicely like all of yours do. Any suggestions??

2.) Anyone have a good suggestion for an accurate scale that's moderately priced? Having a body fat % option would be great too. I have one at home, that I guess works OK, but I feel like if I don't stand on it just right, that it's not giving me the right #. I know that there are natural fluctuations in body weight thru out the day, but I can step on and off 3 times in a row and get three different #'s.

3.) Finally, how do I add all of your names to MY page??

Any help in these areas would be much appreciated. Have a great day everyone!!

2007-10-30T21:13:00.000-07:00

After reading over my "HELLO, HERE I AM" post from yesterday, I've decided that it sounds a bit overly dramatic. I guess it was just the mood I happened to be in last night. To be honest, I'm just really excited to have found this. I just commented on Billy's last post hoping that I'll be added to F.A.T. so that I can become part of the group.

Reading what I just wrote sounds a little presumptuous of me, doesn't it. I don't know if it's really that easy or not. I guess it should be. I mean if I were running some sort of support group I'd let most anybody in, so long as they qualified to be part of the group. Can somebody enlighten me as to what the "CC&R's" are here. Are there any ground rules that a newbie should be aware of. It sort of seems like a posting free-for-all and everyone just kind of chimes in on everyone elses thoughts. That sounds like just what I need. I've never been a part of a support group that kept each other on task, and I think the accountability will keep me in line.

Anyway, I can guarantee that my posts won't be as thought provoking or insightful as some of yours, but I'd still love to give this a whirl.

Until next time....................

Once Apon A Time.....

2007-10-29T18:11:00.000-07:00

I was an "athlete". Good enough to play 4 years of Varsity Basketball in High School. Good enough to have most of my college education paid for on a Baseball scholarship. Somewhere between then and now my body has digressed. I've been married to a beautiful woman for about 4 years, and we have 2 wonderful daughters. A 3 year old and a 3 month old. Like many of you whose posts I've read (btw....you're all the reason I have the courage to openly talk about the issues I have) I too have tried many of the fad diets hoping against hope that the "Newest Best" one would be the one to stick. I guess I'm stating the obvious when I say my being here, blogging of all things, shows that none of them have.

My story is very similar to many of the ones I've been reading online. I've always felt like the chubby kid, or the fat friend. In reading Billy's (of Billy's Lean Body Quest blog) thoughts on the "inner fat" that we all share, I realize that many of my thoughts were just that.....the inner fat talking. Looking back at pictures of times when I know that I thought I was the fat one now makes me laugh, shockingly enough I appear to be normal. Maybe its the fact that I've always had somewhat of a Ghetto Booty and that insecurity has turned into a feeling of being fat all over. Whatever the underlying thoughts were, and however funny those "fat" pictures may be now, I'm definitely in a place now where I need to take my body seriously. I guess you could say the my inner fat became a self fulfilling prophecy. As I write this here are my stats... 6'5" tall, 278 lbs, 42 inch waist, and 33% body fat.

The reason that I'm doing this is mainly to keep myself accountable to SOMETHING. I've started and stopped so many times I cannot remember, and I always look back at wasted time and regret not sticking with it. I don't have a detailed plan as of today but I hope in the coming days and weeks that I will build one that I can stick to. I want to do this for my wife, to become the man she married once again, she deserves it. I want to do this for my daughters to show them that not everything in life is going to come easy, but if you work hard enough, that you can achieve what seems unattainable. I want to do this for my Mom, Dad, and Sister, because we've all struggled with these issues for a long time now, and I want to inspire them to push harder towards the success I know they can achieve. Most of all I want to do this for me. If it makes any sense.....I'm THRU with being sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm a good person with a good heart who genuinely cares about others, but for a long time I've been turning a blind eye to my own problems with weight. For a long time I've had this self image in my head that is actually quite fit, until I see myself in a mirror or a reflection in a window reveals the truth. It's not muscle.....it's fat. I want today to mark the beginning of my journey.

The start of every marathon begins with 1 step........... I think I've just taken it. Thank you all for inspiring me to do better.